Hav to do somthin new

Its been some time in bangalore and I am liking it I must say. Life's got a lot diciplined and am doing good @work. Things are moving in the right direction for me but then again with the same stale thought that there is nothing new happening in life. I feel that there must be some one I should talk to about my being alive. I feel that I have become puppet of my fate and that I am being controlled by some unknown force that is making me do all this. I have to do a lot of things in life but not the way its happening. I wana take a break and go to some place else, some where serene where its only me and my family. No jobs no work no tension where dere is peace and all we do is make each other happy, show gratitude and make each other feel special in the every moment we live. May be these thoughts have started to come in my mind cause I am spending a lot of time with me and only me. I need to do a lot of things in life and that too at a very great pace but I fear I dont have my lady luck to help me in this for sure. I try to focus on work so that I dont have to focus on anything else. But is that not the right thing to do. I think I will take sometime to come back in life. And this time I wana come back with a bang so that I can say that I what I did was the right thing in life. Life has become a lot meaning less than it used to be when I was @home. @ dat time life ment to be chiken chilly, chiken roll and a sip of bear. A puff of ciggarete to boast of amonst frns and a bike to impress chiks. I just wish life is again that simple. Why did a person have to fall in luv with some one. Why one has to feel the vaccum that is created when one person leaves and why do we have to bear pain of the separation. Why feel that pinch every moment when ever you remember the person who is not there and will not there in your life but then you never loose the hope. Some do start living with the fact that this is part of their life. Some are brave enough to take this to a different level and work things out. Some just run away from every situation and then think every thing will be fixed with time and eventually are the biggest loosers in life.

Tushar

Feeling Lost

Just relaised that I have aquired all that people wanted me to. I did my degree, got a job and money. I have all that was expected from me. The journey was not easy and I have lost a lot of my innocence in the way to this point. But now I want to redo the things that I wanted the most. I want to sing my heart out to people. I want to play guitar and I want to roam around the city with my girl. I want to be just me no pretence and hypocysy of this corp world. I want to live as I used to in my school life bunking classes and going for movies. Talking over phone with my girl for long endlessly without any one judging me. I dono how will I be able to achive this goal. I miss my electronics lectures and the girl in the class. There she is sitting trying to focus on the lecture and me continuously trying to disturb her and deviate her attention towards me. I now look back and think that did she rely luv me or was I just another chapter in her life. What people have said to me is exactly opposite of what she has said to me. I cant trust her or the people who have said to me about her. But I want to be part of that time when we were together when we were so close that I couldnt hear anyone. I just thought about her and talked about her cared about her and luved her. Her friends were so happy to see us together. I wonder what would have happend if this had not happened. Was this ment to be or was my blind luv that led to this. Whatever it is I am not going to get back into the time and in this time I am lost in those moments as if I am living in a dream. I have stopped crying to sleep but my heart has not. I cannot forget her , she always finds a way into my life. Either through thoughts or music or frns or gatherings. I am going to attend a frns marriage this weekend and I will have to face her. I dono what will my expression when I see her. Will I just ignore her or talk to her. Will she talk to me when I call her. There is so many things I am afraid of. There are so many imaginations I have. I dont know how will it transpire but one thing is for sure. I will capture her glimse as closely as I can. I think this will be one of the final moments I will see her and feel about her the way I do now. I just wish I can be part of her happy moments (MagicMomemnts).

Tushar

Something is missing

Something is missing today from my life. I feel the urge to speak about it but have no one to speak to. I am surrounded by so many people and yet I dont trust any one of them to speak about me so freely. It might sound a bit hypocritic but arent we all in someway wearing a visage infront of all which opens up only infront of selected few. Well I think its the fear of getting back stabbed that makes us do so ore react in this manner. Well there has been a lot of changes in my life very recently and I tend to think that what I was comfortable with in the past is not the same now. I now have a different definition of comfort and luxury. I think my life is prefect now I am financially balanced for the 1st time in my life this has happened though. I ment my work like here. I think I am all set to settle down and nothing is stopping me from doing so expect one thing and I am afraid I wont be able to discuss that one thing with any one. Cause the one I have lost all communication with the person I want to talk to. I dono if its just me who feels this way and every one else feel that is the the right thing to happpen. I have no reason to be unhappy yet I am gloomy and I rely hate that part of my life. I was so happy in life a few moments ago. By moments I ment time in school till I reached colg. I was so happy to get all the freedom and njoy a sip of beer and a fag would give all the happiness. I think life will get simpler if I think of it that way but then I rely missed being luved and cared by someone special. Is this something that was ment to happen or I just stumbled into it. I dono how can people be so insensitive to things like things I mean they also went through the same things when they were our age. I think will take off now manager is hosting a meeting for migration.


Tushar

New Phase in Bangalore

Things have started to move the way I always wished. I dono ow did I manage it so early in my work career. My best guess will be that 3 years is a long time in career. Well I have been working with this new firm for the last 3 months now and to tell the truth I have loved every moment of it. Rite when I enter the office I am at peace as if I have not come to work but that I have come to work (pun intended). The very moment I feel its starting to get monotonic, and by that I don't mean just work (even the fun here is so straneous sometimes) ; there is always something interesting and new that will happen to break the chill. I have been here for just over 3 months and I have learnt more than I could have done in an year. I have migrated servers, conducted training, provided on call support, played cricket, witnessed 3 big functions, ogled at chiks in wrk place, worked on oracle and wt not. Done all the things I wanted to and when I wanted to without having to answer the 'WHY' . I dd try my luck to return to kol with some new firm but then didnt get the interview call. But that didnt make me low cause I know things will happen just when I want them to happen badly. Life's treating me well and now the time has finally come when I will have to choose some one to settle down. I havn't given it much of a thoght but I am sure things will happen pretty soon.


Tushar

Dell Inspiron 1464 easy fix

Well most of us are well aware of this problem. This is my third dell and one of the prime reasons for changing my system other than the hardware upgrade was heating of the system. Little did I know the fix was not that hard at all. In fact a couple of months ago I was again thinking of an upgrade to dell latitude. But then one of my friends suggested that it was the dust that had accumulated near the heat sink and that is the reason. I had ripped up my laptop before to upgrade the hard disk but then I never saw much dust layer on the mother board or the top of the fan that could cause the issue. But had to give it a shot so I decided to open it up again. Well this time also I didnt see much of dust on the fan and then I decided to open the fan least there may be something. And viola there was a thick layer of dust betwen the fan and the heat sink. This was the only issue that was causing the heating problem. I neatly removed the dust layer and cleaned the fan and sink with a cotton bulb. I replaced the fan and put together the parts. I was amazed to see that there was no heating at all and it was as if I had bought the comp when it was new. Added adavatage was the battery life also increased as there was less heating. So there lies the solution if you feel your dell laptop is getting heated up beyond rekoning as it grows a year or so old then try taking it to some service center and ask cleaning then up the heat sink and the fan. Or if you are enthusiastic try ripping it apart and clean it yourself. Just one piece of advice download the datasheet for opening the laptop before you proceed else you might curse the moment you took the decision of opening it up.

Hope this article will help some of you to save money and keeping faith in dell.

PS. you might want to use a tooth brush to clean the vent of the heat sink

Tushar

Life in Blore

Its been sometime I have been in blore. I must say the weather here is really catching all my attention. It seems that even 27-28 degree is hot after being in here for a couple of months. I went to Nandi Hills after a night out with frns. I went to a couple of well known pubs anf food joints. Started cooking on a regualr basis and going to gym occassionally. Things were changing and I started feeling that I would like to settle here for some time I suddenly got some opportunity to get back to city of Joy. I don't know exactly but it somehow seems to me that my presence in every place for that duration of time is fixed. I have no reasons or may be getting pshyced staying single but something inside me wants to go back to Kolkata. I want to be close to my parents and my family. There have been a lot of bad and good phases that I have in my life. But life it seems has a lot more of exercise tasks than I did expect. Whenever I feel I have had enough it tells me and makes me realise that I am a negligible part of the endless and huge world. My problems are so minor compared to issues prevailing presently in my surroundings.

My learning cycle has grown a lot, have been able to contribute and imbibe a lot of things from my work culture. I have grown a lot on basics and have definitely gained a lot of confidence. The primary reason for this is that I have been handling a lot of things on my own. I get a lot of time so try to put down my work on web and this gives me a lot of confidence. This is a good journey so far and I am enjoying my personal and proffesional life in blore. But like I said I dono why I am getting inclined to go back to Kolkata. I am not sure if I am ready for any other change. But the thought of it didnt give me goose pimples.


Tushar

Whole life revolves around one crazy dream

I think a lot of times if only I can go back in time I can fix a lot of things in my life. But suddenly I realised today that it would not been so much fun if things were always right in life. The whole thrill of future would be gone. Suddenly I realised I have spent only one fourth of my life. I still have 3/4th of it to come and so may crazy things I still have left to do in life. I have never repented in my life that I did have a chance and missed to do it. I think its time now to do all I want and read all I can. There have been so many genius on this earth sharing their hard work with us not for us to go through once and appritiate the work they have done. They wanted us to utilize the research and go ahead in life and make new landmarks in our human history. I think its time to do all the crazy stuff I always have fantasized for. I know somethings were holding me back from moving ahead in life and I guess they always will but today I have understood that these emotions will still be the same whenever I look back in my history. But I want to utilize this present to do some amazing things that I am capable of doing. Thanks to all family and all my friends who have always taken such good care of me.


Tushar