Thursday, December 1, 2011

Feeling Lost

Just relaised that I have aquired all that people wanted me to. I did my degree, got a job and money. I have all that was expected from me. The journey was not easy and I have lost a lot of my innocence in the way to this point. But now I want to redo the things that I wanted the most. I want to sing my heart out to people. I want to play guitar and I want to roam around the city with my girl. I want to be just me no pretence and hypocysy of this corp world. I want to live as I used to in my school life bunking classes and going for movies. Talking over phone with my girl for long endlessly without any one judging me. I dono how will I be able to achive this goal. I miss my electronics lectures and the girl in the class. There she is sitting trying to focus on the lecture and me continuously trying to disturb her and deviate her attention towards me. I now look back and think that did she rely luv me or was I just another chapter in her life. What people have said to me is exactly opposite of what she has said to me. I cant trust her or the people who have said to me about her. But I want to be part of that time when we were together when we were so close that I couldnt hear anyone. I just thought about her and talked about her cared about her and luved her. Her friends were so happy to see us together. I wonder what would have happend if this had not happened. Was this ment to be or was my blind luv that led to this. Whatever it is I am not going to get back into the time and in this time I am lost in those moments as if I am living in a dream. I have stopped crying to sleep but my heart has not. I cannot forget her , she always finds a way into my life. Either through thoughts or music or frns or gatherings. I am going to attend a frns marriage this weekend and I will have to face her. I dono what will my expression when I see her. Will I just ignore her or talk to her. Will she talk to me when I call her. There is so many things I am afraid of. There are so many imaginations I have. I dont know how will it transpire but one thing is for sure. I will capture her glimse as closely as I can. I think this will be one of the final moments I will see her and feel about her the way I do now. I just wish I can be part of her happy moments (MagicMomemnts).


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