Hav to do somthin new

Its been some time in bangalore and I am liking it I must say. Life's got a lot diciplined and am doing good @work. Things are moving in the right direction for me but then again with the same stale thought that there is nothing new happening in life. I feel that there must be some one I should talk to about my being alive. I feel that I have become puppet of my fate and that I am being controlled by some unknown force that is making me do all this. I have to do a lot of things in life but not the way its happening. I wana take a break and go to some place else, some where serene where its only me and my family. No jobs no work no tension where dere is peace and all we do is make each other happy, show gratitude and make each other feel special in the every moment we live. May be these thoughts have started to come in my mind cause I am spending a lot of time with me and only me. I need to do a lot of things in life and that too at a very great pace but I fear I dont have my lady luck to help me in this for sure. I try to focus on work so that I dont have to focus on anything else. But is that not the right thing to do. I think I will take sometime to come back in life. And this time I wana come back with a bang so that I can say that I what I did was the right thing in life. Life has become a lot meaning less than it used to be when I was @home. @ dat time life ment to be chiken chilly, chiken roll and a sip of bear. A puff of ciggarete to boast of amonst frns and a bike to impress chiks. I just wish life is again that simple. Why did a person have to fall in luv with some one. Why one has to feel the vaccum that is created when one person leaves and why do we have to bear pain of the separation. Why feel that pinch every moment when ever you remember the person who is not there and will not there in your life but then you never loose the hope. Some do start living with the fact that this is part of their life. Some are brave enough to take this to a different level and work things out. Some just run away from every situation and then think every thing will be fixed with time and eventually are the biggest loosers in life.

Tushar

Feeling Lost

Just relaised that I have aquired all that people wanted me to. I did my degree, got a job and money. I have all that was expected from me. The journey was not easy and I have lost a lot of my innocence in the way to this point. But now I want to redo the things that I wanted the most. I want to sing my heart out to people. I want to play guitar and I want to roam around the city with my girl. I want to be just me no pretence and hypocysy of this corp world. I want to live as I used to in my school life bunking classes and going for movies. Talking over phone with my girl for long endlessly without any one judging me. I dono how will I be able to achive this goal. I miss my electronics lectures and the girl in the class. There she is sitting trying to focus on the lecture and me continuously trying to disturb her and deviate her attention towards me. I now look back and think that did she rely luv me or was I just another chapter in her life. What people have said to me is exactly opposite of what she has said to me. I cant trust her or the people who have said to me about her. But I want to be part of that time when we were together when we were so close that I couldnt hear anyone. I just thought about her and talked about her cared about her and luved her. Her friends were so happy to see us together. I wonder what would have happend if this had not happened. Was this ment to be or was my blind luv that led to this. Whatever it is I am not going to get back into the time and in this time I am lost in those moments as if I am living in a dream. I have stopped crying to sleep but my heart has not. I cannot forget her , she always finds a way into my life. Either through thoughts or music or frns or gatherings. I am going to attend a frns marriage this weekend and I will have to face her. I dono what will my expression when I see her. Will I just ignore her or talk to her. Will she talk to me when I call her. There is so many things I am afraid of. There are so many imaginations I have. I dont know how will it transpire but one thing is for sure. I will capture her glimse as closely as I can. I think this will be one of the final moments I will see her and feel about her the way I do now. I just wish I can be part of her happy moments (MagicMomemnts).

Tushar

Something is missing

Something is missing today from my life. I feel the urge to speak about it but have no one to speak to. I am surrounded by so many people and yet I dont trust any one of them to speak about me so freely. It might sound a bit hypocritic but arent we all in someway wearing a visage infront of all which opens up only infront of selected few. Well I think its the fear of getting back stabbed that makes us do so ore react in this manner. Well there has been a lot of changes in my life very recently and I tend to think that what I was comfortable with in the past is not the same now. I now have a different definition of comfort and luxury. I think my life is prefect now I am financially balanced for the 1st time in my life this has happened though. I ment my work like here. I think I am all set to settle down and nothing is stopping me from doing so expect one thing and I am afraid I wont be able to discuss that one thing with any one. Cause the one I have lost all communication with the person I want to talk to. I dono if its just me who feels this way and every one else feel that is the the right thing to happpen. I have no reason to be unhappy yet I am gloomy and I rely hate that part of my life. I was so happy in life a few moments ago. By moments I ment time in school till I reached colg. I was so happy to get all the freedom and njoy a sip of beer and a fag would give all the happiness. I think life will get simpler if I think of it that way but then I rely missed being luved and cared by someone special. Is this something that was ment to happen or I just stumbled into it. I dono how can people be so insensitive to things like things I mean they also went through the same things when they were our age. I think will take off now manager is hosting a meeting for migration.


Tushar

New Phase in Bangalore

Things have started to move the way I always wished. I dono ow did I manage it so early in my work career. My best guess will be that 3 years is a long time in career. Well I have been working with this new firm for the last 3 months now and to tell the truth I have loved every moment of it. Rite when I enter the office I am at peace as if I have not come to work but that I have come to work (pun intended). The very moment I feel its starting to get monotonic, and by that I don't mean just work (even the fun here is so straneous sometimes) ; there is always something interesting and new that will happen to break the chill. I have been here for just over 3 months and I have learnt more than I could have done in an year. I have migrated servers, conducted training, provided on call support, played cricket, witnessed 3 big functions, ogled at chiks in wrk place, worked on oracle and wt not. Done all the things I wanted to and when I wanted to without having to answer the 'WHY' . I dd try my luck to return to kol with some new firm but then didnt get the interview call. But that didnt make me low cause I know things will happen just when I want them to happen badly. Life's treating me well and now the time has finally come when I will have to choose some one to settle down. I havn't given it much of a thoght but I am sure things will happen pretty soon.


Tushar

Dell Inspiron 1464 easy fix

Well most of us are well aware of this problem. This is my third dell and one of the prime reasons for changing my system other than the hardware upgrade was heating of the system. Little did I know the fix was not that hard at all. In fact a couple of months ago I was again thinking of an upgrade to dell latitude. But then one of my friends suggested that it was the dust that had accumulated near the heat sink and that is the reason. I had ripped up my laptop before to upgrade the hard disk but then I never saw much dust layer on the mother board or the top of the fan that could cause the issue. But had to give it a shot so I decided to open it up again. Well this time also I didnt see much of dust on the fan and then I decided to open the fan least there may be something. And viola there was a thick layer of dust betwen the fan and the heat sink. This was the only issue that was causing the heating problem. I neatly removed the dust layer and cleaned the fan and sink with a cotton bulb. I replaced the fan and put together the parts. I was amazed to see that there was no heating at all and it was as if I had bought the comp when it was new. Added adavatage was the battery life also increased as there was less heating. So there lies the solution if you feel your dell laptop is getting heated up beyond rekoning as it grows a year or so old then try taking it to some service center and ask cleaning then up the heat sink and the fan. Or if you are enthusiastic try ripping it apart and clean it yourself. Just one piece of advice download the datasheet for opening the laptop before you proceed else you might curse the moment you took the decision of opening it up.

Hope this article will help some of you to save money and keeping faith in dell.

PS. you might want to use a tooth brush to clean the vent of the heat sink

Tushar

Life in Blore

Its been sometime I have been in blore. I must say the weather here is really catching all my attention. It seems that even 27-28 degree is hot after being in here for a couple of months. I went to Nandi Hills after a night out with frns. I went to a couple of well known pubs anf food joints. Started cooking on a regualr basis and going to gym occassionally. Things were changing and I started feeling that I would like to settle here for some time I suddenly got some opportunity to get back to city of Joy. I don't know exactly but it somehow seems to me that my presence in every place for that duration of time is fixed. I have no reasons or may be getting pshyced staying single but something inside me wants to go back to Kolkata. I want to be close to my parents and my family. There have been a lot of bad and good phases that I have in my life. But life it seems has a lot more of exercise tasks than I did expect. Whenever I feel I have had enough it tells me and makes me realise that I am a negligible part of the endless and huge world. My problems are so minor compared to issues prevailing presently in my surroundings.

My learning cycle has grown a lot, have been able to contribute and imbibe a lot of things from my work culture. I have grown a lot on basics and have definitely gained a lot of confidence. The primary reason for this is that I have been handling a lot of things on my own. I get a lot of time so try to put down my work on web and this gives me a lot of confidence. This is a good journey so far and I am enjoying my personal and proffesional life in blore. But like I said I dono why I am getting inclined to go back to Kolkata. I am not sure if I am ready for any other change. But the thought of it didnt give me goose pimples.


Tushar

Whole life revolves around one crazy dream

I think a lot of times if only I can go back in time I can fix a lot of things in my life. But suddenly I realised today that it would not been so much fun if things were always right in life. The whole thrill of future would be gone. Suddenly I realised I have spent only one fourth of my life. I still have 3/4th of it to come and so may crazy things I still have left to do in life. I have never repented in my life that I did have a chance and missed to do it. I think its time now to do all I want and read all I can. There have been so many genius on this earth sharing their hard work with us not for us to go through once and appritiate the work they have done. They wanted us to utilize the research and go ahead in life and make new landmarks in our human history. I think its time to do all the crazy stuff I always have fantasized for. I know somethings were holding me back from moving ahead in life and I guess they always will but today I have understood that these emotions will still be the same whenever I look back in my history. But I want to utilize this present to do some amazing things that I am capable of doing. Thanks to all family and all my friends who have always taken such good care of me.


Tushar

beginnin of a new phase in blore..

My life's been more of a travell since I left my home town. Been in kota for a year where I went to prep my myself for the forth commin entrance exams. Went from there to bhubaneshwar for my engineering and an awsm colg life. Then to mumbai where I began my career. Then to kolkata and now in Bengaluru. I have made friends where ever I went and the matter of fact I have a rely big circle of friends. I am in bangalore since a month now and have made some new friends here too. Life's been surprising me and inspiring me always to achieve something new something I have ever dreamt about. I met my school friends here after long. People change with time but when you are with your old friends you want to be transported to the time when you were together. There is always a weakness with school friends cause those were friends you made when you were the least adultrated. It has been real fun till now in bangalore and hope that I will be having a great time ahead. Missing some part of my life in bbsr, mum, kol and bksc. But then that's the fun you get to know what you like the most and what you want from life. It's all about experimenting yourself with new things and about finding more about yourself.


Tushar

Critic

Reality Bites by Anurag Anand
The author has taken us in flash back where he just joined DCE and shared the news that the girl of his life also joined the same. He then takes us to a flash back to his school life detailing how he ended up with the girl of his life 'Swati'. I know that name keeps comming up in my life so often but about that later. The story is a roller coster where the protagonist 'Atul' plays role of a friend, lover, son and student. The charectors were well selected and well exploited in all the plots. The charector of Bangali Baba 'Anirban' does remind me of my friend 'Happy'. The story can be related to our own school and college life. Specially the late night talks to girfrns or trips to resturant. Language is simple but crisp. I enjoyed the journey of Reality Bites.
Review: 6th September, 2011.

Scribbling my Mind..

I never thought that life will be the same again when I left colg. I never thought after being in relationships I would prefer having an arranged marriage. I never thought I will break up wid some one I love so much. Things in life are so unpredictable and thats the whole fun of it. The mistry makes it so much enjoyable in life and I have learnt to enjoy my life as it comes. Plannings should not be part of your life they shuld part of your thought process. One should not let some plan ruin your mood of spending life gracefully. There are times one will be dissappointed but then thats why we can enjoy some moments cause they donot happen so often. We should just believe in ourselves in situations which are unexpected.

I went to Trivandrum for a month as part of my ILP. Met so many of my friends there and had a paid holiday when I thought it will be a difficult part of the corporate journey. When I think about it now I feel things were so simple back then. I was still in a relation though I broke up like months ago and I rely dono how or why that happened. I was always in a party mood and always ready to go for some outing. Then I opted for my posting in Kolkata and no marks for guessing I got my posting in Mumbai. Its the most happening place one can imagine. You can be as bad or as good you want to, no one really cares what you think or what you do. You can roam the whole night and sleep the whole day. Matter of fact most people like to lead a nite life in mumbai. But irony is my life was not that good in mumbai. Had to face a lot of hardships in mumbai. This was the only time in my life when I did miss my friends so much and understood the real value of true friends. I had to stay alone with strangers for a very short time in mumbai but then those days were rely painful and I rely never forgot or forgave the person for the behaviour. I even made her feel eaxctly what I went through.

Lots of things happened one led to another. I happened to do some more robotics again. I happened to live with my colg frns in mumbai again. I luvd the rains in mumbai. Luvd the nariman point and the marine drive. Juhu beach and the malai gola in Juhu beach. I missed having a bike and a girl friend in mumbai. I worked rely hard while I was in mumbai. Got very good seniors who helped me to learn a lot of technical. Got rely good projects where I could learn and build a strong technical foundation.

Then suddenly something happend I started to have an urge to go to kolkata. I had a word with my manager and he gave me the opportunity to go to kolkata. But managers are managers. He landed me in a project where the clients were very stringent lot of work and very small time lines. I lost my sanity working more than 14hrs a day like an insane. But soon the project ended and I was a free bird. Den started the Gala Time in Kolkata. Trips, Beaches, Weekend Parties and non-stop fun. Gained like hell and had very frequent trips to home. But then again life started getting humdrum. I started to search for opportunities and its was rely long and I got no interview calls. Then I decided why not a new location for some time. I will get new opportunities and it will be a good change before I settle down. I distributed my cv to my friends and finally started gettings lot of calls. Faced a few inteviews and here I am with my new job ready to leave for Bangaluru. I hope this will be a good change. But lets live life as it comes after all there is no meaning of good moments unless you have some harsh times.

Tushar

Dont Cross D Line..

There are moments in life when we know what we shud exactly do and we know what exactly not to do. But even this knowlege is of no help when ur soul is nt at peace. You knw that there are certain lines you shud never cross but then ur heart twists ur thoughts so easily you can barely understand your actions. If you can justify anything as right to urself all those actions are by judged by your mind but if you cannot then you know your heart is playing the role. Why do we have to listen to heart when we know that it leads to a wrong decision and it creates more problems than it solves. It creates more pain than peace and we knowing this fact still go for it's decision. It has never given the best decision to me and knowing this fact I still tend to take this path of pain. I cant explain the pain I feel but trust me its this pain that I miss so much. Even the slightest feel of this pain is far more intoxicating and exciting than any alcohol. A single thgt of sm1 is so contageous it makes you take decisions you wud have never thgt of taking.

Tushar

Gana Bollywood Ishtyle

Well to start with I must say that I'm really proud to part this transition that happened over last two decades in bollywood. I can still feel the evergreen songs rining in my ears in the early mornin of sundays through rangoli and every wednesday through chitrahar. But then came a very slow period specially the late eightties and the early nineties. There were just songs made to rhyme and lacked the punch or the sweet essence. Some collections in this era also cannot be forgotten like Ashiqi. But then other than a seleted few the whole music was rely silent when there were no experiments with music. Then suddenly came a magician in music industry who single handedly changed the whole outlook of the music industry. And almost two decade after he entered people have shed all the fear and started to experiment with lyrics music and instruments. Now we have songs foucssed on geners and not family occassions. Recently lots of interesting n intiguing music have been released. Not all were like by every1 but then there are a lot of geners and people of diff segments like diff geners.The fussion work done with western and indian instruments have been producing phenomenal effect on the music. Its more interesting to hear a sitar rpgo when ur listening to a rock band. Since past 3 years there have been reality shows where performers are asked to prepare impromtu peace of there work and they have produced a realy awsm work I must say. Be it RockOn or CokeStudio this genere or music has touched the hearts of most of the people and they have greeted this genere really well. Kudos to music industry.. way to go..

Tushar

Just another saturday...

Had a hectic week loads of processing done lots of reports generated for database maintenance. Worked more than 12hrs per day this week. Deserve a weeken like a roller coaster. Had futball in the mornin followed by a short guitar session augmented by a double omlet n tea. Then Hangover II followed by Chiken in KFC. Then back to guitar session after a siesta. Go to tollygunj in search of a flat. Land up at frns place to play pool n then a hooka session. Finally another session of guitar n den somethin to munch on. End the day with desert. Now dat sounds like a weeken. Hang on Sunday is still awating.


Tushar

cudnt think of

I spend a lot of my time on net trying to learn something new everyday. I watch movies very often n i like to repeat the movies a lot of times if i like dem. I dono much about psychology but I have a lot of things running in my head all the time and I have a tendency to try n finish things as soon as I can. I want to spend much of time doing something or the other so that I dont have time to sit n think about anything n I fear dat there is sm thgt that I want to escape. I live my life as it comes n never think of hw to do things today to make my future better. I always do wt I want to the way I want to. yes there are a lot of things that I have to cut on cause of my huge credit bills n sm cause I do end up hurting myself. I have always been emotional and never hurt sm1 intentionally. I like to live life king size. I never like to say I wish. I always take my shot to wtever opportunity comes my way. But m nt dat lucky always. I always liked the MagicMoments of my life. Funny Im over all those things now but still see flashes of her every now n den I still hunt her in crowd pointlessly. Seriously I dont get attracted to most of the beauties ogled by frns. Dont get me wrong dere dude. I always m attracted to faces which have resemblance to her. I know this is crazy but then this is how things are right now. I do not know what is stored fr me in future but I want to live in my present. I dono how will I get over the fear of being alone. I want to be with sm1 soon ere I turn into a total phanatic.


Tushar

MagicMoments

I miss being loved and cared by someone. Yes its so true that for the 1st time in life I feel so free. I am working on some of my favourite technologies but the physical touch of sm1 can be replaced by some niche technology. This has been a really good journey since last few months. I have been to places and took some very strong decisions in life but there has always been a weaker side to those decisions. I dont know why cant I fall for sm1. Not that there are no opportunities but then I always try to find a familiar face. I do not know when or how will I get out of this finally. I am in a very strong position now but I will lie to myself if I say that I have forgotten her. It so happens that I am walking out of office and suddenly it started raining and I recolleted that it was the same weather some day when we were together. There are so many moments and all so special that it is virtually impossible to forget everything. But I really regret the moment I met or interacted with her. When I first saw her and fell in LUV with her. Had I not seen her had I not interacted with her life would have been so gracefull and so easy to live. I know my exile is towards and end but in this journey I lost some of my most enjoyable years.


Tushar

In Control of Life!!!

Finally I think I m getting some where in my life. I have a goal and an aim. Funny that being lonely I m able focus more. Now I have time to thibk about myself and analyse what are my priorites and demands in life. Life was not so easy sometime back when I had friends with me who could help me go forward in this direction. I guess I have over come the fear by facing it without any support. I did take the step forward and faced all the hurdles that came in the path. This was really a long test and a very important learning experience of my life. My future is still in shades of dark but then I have decided which path to take. I do not know what will happen next or what will be the end result but then I know I am not afraid of it. I m in full control of my life.



Tushar

Sometimes I'm so BLANK...

Sometimes I am so blank that I cant read myself. I cant think of anything around me. I just want to hold on to some one who I used to when things were different. I get sick to think of the reality now. Things change so fast and we move on so easily. We dont even have time to go back in mind and think of the time we used to spend together. I can still remember her eyes so full of enery so full of excitement there was some magic sparks in them. Her eyes told so many things at a time and yet kept so many things disclosed. When she closed her eyes she looked like cherubin. Oh I wished so much to hold her in my arms and stop the time line forever.


Tushar

Kolkata will be Calcutta

Things are changing fast in and round the globe. All are tyring to marvell in everything they know. Kolkata is not far from the truth and I have been able to judge this as I shifted from a very dynamic city so I could see things slowing down. I lived in Mumbai for around two years and thought I was born fr the city only to realise that one should have money to enjoy in Mumbai. Due to some family issues I had to move down to Kol. I had been in the project which was driven from mumbai and hence could feel the same amount of work load and people aorund me were astonished to see me work for inhuman number of hours. The project ended and I moved to an aoount which was driven from kolkata. Here I realised that people in Kolkata also believed in the statement 'Work is GOD!!!'. The only difference is that people here are less religious. People talk about escalations as soon as they enter the office and after a couple of mins they only talk about food and flats. People here asre so obsessed with Bengal and the people of Bengal even when they talk about Sachin he is compared with Ganguly. They cannot except any non-bengali doing something good in a field if there is a bengali nomination. Lunch and tea time is the time which they lesiure the most. People here in IT are not driven by knowlege but are driven by politics to an extent that is rely not imaginable. People here are chosen to work on project not by knowlege but by the amount of experience they have and the kinda contact they haev. They still want to go ahead of all in words but they talk about it so much they do not acutally have the time to implement it. Freshers joining the team miss the compition for a few days but later take this as a the system. They too join the gossip that goes around and forget the sole reason for their working in a dynamic industry. The view I have is related to IT itself but I think the other fields will not be an exception to it.

Tushar

Just a thought of lazy afternoon

The last few months have been real busy in life. Have missed a lot of things and gained a lot of things(weight). But its time now to come out of the hibernation. Shed some weight and get back in touch. Have joined an awsm poject and there is an apple time and opportunity to expolit. But there is one thing in the bakend that I always have to process 'How long will I be able to hold this spark?'. That's the fear I always have in my mind. I always have been of this nature. I tend to like some things initially like crazy but loose interest very soon. My relations I had are no exceptions to this. I am thinking like a crazy person these days and somehow I have strated to liking this. I have done somethings in these past few days which I never wanted to do. Life changes and with them a lot of ur thoughts and beliefs change. I do not why I cannot controll my life I hate the idea that my life is controlled by someone else. I want to get lost in thoughts and studies I want to pronounce this real life and get into a life where I do not need to have emotions or beliefs. There be no good no bad where there be just true and false.


Tushar

Style-BTM72 iBall Bluetooth Headset

In this post will try to delve into how to configure iBall BTM7.

There is not much on net I could google. Even the iBall website lacks the info.
Here is how the trick goes.
Switch the bluetooth on and keep the switch pressed till you see the red and blue light blinking together. Then try searching for the headset on the mobile and then give the default pairing code as '0000'. Vioala!!! thats all you had to do.


Njoy.

Nokia tying up wid MS.. Is this the future of Communication or END of a Tyrany??

I have been using Nokia since adolescence. Started with 5110 a real basic set but gave the voice quality and signal clarity which Seimens and Samsung lacked. However the mobile market emerged like nothing else. After Reliance Communication entering the Indian market there was no looking back. Mobiles became more important than having a wrist watch. Gone are those days when people used landline or went to PCO to make a phone call. Now you can make a call from ne part of the counrty seamlessly. With providers increasing their customer base everyday comming up with some plan or the other but there has been one name which has ruled this decade of mobile communication and thats undoubtedly Nokia. Be it a basic set to a business class phone you have an answer to all the customer requirements. It was a brand which we all proudly endorsed. But in the recent days the story has changed since Andriod has come to market. There had been a lot of speculations about Meego and Symbian^3 but both could not cope with the customer expectation. Nokia has realized the threat to its customer base but didnt choose to switch to Android. And now it has tied up with Microsoft for its future release of phones. Now we will see Nokia phones based on Windows Mobile OS. I think this can make a potential difference in the market of Mobile Phones. We have seen Windows Mobile OS and its potential but then there was no elegant hardware to do justice to the OS. To utilise a good software you need a really good harware. And thats the reason I think this combination will work. I think most of us do remember some time ago there was a speculation that Google OS will rule the market and Windows will be a bygone thing. Then MS came up with one product that not only did answer the vast customer base but also shattered the dreams of Google about ruling the OS market. It proved that it has been in the market for 2 decades now not because there is no compition but cause it has done its research and is very updated with its customer requirement. Windows is also ready with the new OS Windows8 OS but has not officially announced the release. If I can imagine a Winows7 core working on my Nokia I can rely imagine what power will the device carry. I am looking forward to the future of this tie-up. I just hope that this tie-up is not marked in black and the Apple Story is not repeated.


Tushar

I Believe

This is the era of digitization of not only social status and relationships but the whole life. This generation of ours has been very lucky. Born in a time when companies like apple started and made computers and hence digitization available to public and then there was no looking back. When we were in adolescence Google came into existance. When we were graduating it was Facebook and Twitter. Well rely what a journey it has been for mankind. But then this should not stop this should be just the begining. I mean thats the role evolution plays and for that to happen some one has to think in a way different than what all are thinking. What I intend to say here is if Steve Jobs didnt think different then Apple would only be name of a fruit. Google would have been a spelling mistake if Larry Page didnot think different. There are people who will follow, they have been there through ages and they are the people who witness the evolution. They are the people who are mesmeried by the change and become a part of it. But then there are people of the other part of the planet who do not want to be part of the change. They think different and they are not satisfied with what they have. They want to give a new meaning to their life. Mark Zukerberg thought of something different before people could think of. Guess what he amalgamted all the social networks existing into a single portal. Facebook is the next best thing that people had in this decade after Google. But do you want to be content with this? Will this be the end of everything? Should we drown ourselves into these things so much so that we never think of moving ahead with something different? I dont think so and I know this wont happen. But what will be our contribution to the next best thing to be evovled. I seriously dont know what will that be and I seriously dont know what my contribution will be. But then I have taken a step in a direction. I have taken a decision to stop following to stop getting mesemrized. I dont know if this is the right or not but then I have taken a step. I have made my mind cause I believe that I want to contribute something and leave my mark in the history.


Tushar

City Of Joy!!!

It's been some time that I moved to Kolkata the City of Joy. These few months have been a hell of an experince for me both emptionally and career too. Both flying in opposite directions. I did enjoy the company of some of my rely good friends who were with me when I rely needed them. They adviced me on any decision I was not sure of and helped me sail through rely tough hail storms I must say. The last few months I had been rely engrossed in office work. I was sick working on the boring project with half information and slogging in an inhuman way just to get some good ccr. But then one fine day I decided this is so not the purpose of my job. Job is where you do something rely creative where you add values not where you just keep on working without knowing what is the purpose of your work.
This journey of few months have a rely high ups and downs. Initially when I came to Kolkata I used to work for more than 14 hours on an average including weekends. I didnt have any vehicle to commute with. I used to be in office by 10 o clock and used to leave well past midnite. When I came out of office there was a long queue for the nite cab which I could not with stand. After working for so long you have to stand in queue for your office to arrange a vehicle to home. It seemed as if I am working in a BPO. I didnt ever take a cab home. I hated the idea that I had to enroll for something on an online portal and then stand in queue for availing the facility. It seemed so gross. So had to take a taxi if I was lucky enough or if it was a bad day then had to take a cycle rickshaw back home. The battle didnt end here. After college I went to mumbai for the job and was in a habbit of sleeping around 4 o clock in the morning. When I used to enter home at 1 o clock in the nite I used to see my roomates wide awake greeting me while I entered. But things were prettly different here when I used to enter the room at 1 o clock there was complete darkness in the house. Every one except Happy dozzed off at around 11 o clock which is not even the normal hours of sleeping according to me. Not only did it end here I had to freshen up and then switched on the kicthen lights heat up the food and then had a dinner alone watching something in the laptop. This was rely suffocating when I didnt have any one to speak up excluding Happy. Happy also struggled between me and his girl friend. Most of the times he used to parallely conversate with me. This continued till rely long when suddenly my friends Happy and Debu took me for an outing to Mandar Moni. Oh what a trip it was. I was rejuviniated and could start again with a lot of positive energy. Then luckily one thing led to another and then I was relesed from the project. And here I am today sitting back and thinking of the time when I reached Kolkata which was real mess and today totally relaxed taking control of my life.


Tushar

Happy Ending

Why o Why do we always dream of a happy ending??? There has been always a feeling in our society that there has to be a happy ending of all the stories. Where as in reality it never happens. Most of the times we compromise and think that we will be happy with this compromise. But we live our lives as the wierdest nightmare we could have ever thought of.

Being Hypocrite

This is end of one the worst phases of my life. In this phase there was no struggle for acads or job or money or food. This struggle phase was related to my taking breath and it was related to my feeling that I am alive. It was related to my sleep at night. Everything I had could not give me happiness. Booze, money or gifts nothing charmed me, I had lost all my happiness to that one moment which I recalled was a break up. Things are so complicated with relationships. Sometimes you think you can hadle them so easily and yet deep in the core you hava a doubt. A doubt whihc has foundations on luv, the momentary feeling you had once for some one, the smile that is imprinted in your heart and which you cannot exchange every happiness for life time. We are all in the era where even social gathers are digitized. You may not realise what you have done but your friends sitting with a cell phone in thier hand will get the whole story. In this era where your emotions attached to everything is digitized and is public yet you know there is this thing called heart which still beats million times when you remember a smile which you saw ages ago. Trust me this smile cannot be digitized or re-imprinted by any one. So is it correct when we say that we have forgotten about some one and that we dont remember about the person. Well this is really not possible with our era. They have so much frustration in this dynamic world where everything moves so fast that even a moment of happiness counts a lot in their life. They might not admit it but then its true and will always be true that they will remember some one for their life time.

So am I a hypocrite if I say that I have moved on and will never remember her in my life. I will ignore her when she passes by and will never think of her again. Yes what she did to me was ruthless and that there can be no punishment for it. She broke me when I was just starting my career. I was really serious about her and she left me for some one who she had just met. She lied to me about a lot of things most of which was made up just to make me feel sorry. I knew she is not a good girl at heart and she uses every one in her way to make her things work her way. She has a lot of -ves in her life. But there is this one moment where she seemed so serene so pure so full of luv for me. I do not know whether it was fake or true but then I believed it was true.

Its been 3 years of our break up and we were still in contact when unluckily or luckily we met face to face. There she stood in front of me and I was looking into her eyes and suddenly realized that this is not what I should have waited for so long. This should have ended long back in college or even before that. I do not want to keep any relation with her now not even friendship. May be what I am doing is not the correct path but then this gives me happiness. I am at peace with me and my mind for the first time after so long. It took me so long to cure this mental blockage I had. Cant I be happy at the cost of some one being hurt or sad. I know it not right but dont we have the right to be happy and do things what we feel like. I didnt kill or rape any one. I just cut out all the strings attached after going rely close. But thats what exactly happened to me. I never told any one that I felt low or that I miss her so badly that I had to cry to sleep most of the nights. I could not talk to any girl for this time cause I was rely scared to be part of this game of luv. I do not know if I will be able to forget and ignore her when she passes by but yes the thought that I will be able to do so gives me peace at mind. I dont mind people calling me Hypocrite for this.


Tushar

Moving ON

Yes. It took me some time a lot of patience and then a bit of luck to move on. But now I can forget my past and think about my future. Met up friends from college after long time and had a great time with them. After spending two days with them suddenly felt I no longer had that urge to stay back in those days. I want to look for a different future now. I want to do something new with lot of energy and passion. I think luck will also support me today. I have been waiting for this Move On to happen for 3 years in row now. I was suffocating inside with this relationship break up. Every moment I missed the presence and there was no one with me to share the pain. It so happened that it affected me very drastically. My creativity my will to study my outlook everything was changed and evrything was at a halt. Nothing moved not even a moment. My mind was still lying on desk of the college where we used to sit together. I dont no why did I not Move On then and wasted 3 years of my precious time for some one who is not even close to my worth. I know people take time to get out of things and more than time its the right moment and guidance. You should never meet your ex when they are single it rekndles a lot of false trust and belief that one should not have and is really very dangerous for a person.

I am ready now for the battle called Life. I will fight back as I used to and cope with every problem that comes in my way. I know this was not at all expected that I will be able to for go my ex and try and think about any thing else in life. But then I guess some day I might have done some thing that helped me out here.


Tushar

LazyWriter

Well this is no story about a writer who is lazy. Ironically they actually are : ) But then today I thought to document something about SQL Server which I think about lot of times and then as usual forget to document.

Now to start with lazy writer is a process in sql server which helps in clearing the buffer cache. The buffer cache as the name suggests are the cache pages which sql sever uses to load the data from data pages for manipulation. Now Lazy Writer is the process which flushes out batches of dirty, aged buffers and makes them available to user processes. The lazy writer eliminates the need of perfomrning frequent checkpoint in order to create available buffers.

The process of clearing the buffer cache is not that easy. By that I mean it's calculative. Now each page in the buffer cache has a refernce counter and a bit to note whether it is a dirty page. (Now a dirty page is one which has modified data which has yet not been written back to disk.) Comming back to the calculative part the reference counter that I mentined associated to the page gets decremented each time a buffer scan happens. Now if the count is reduced to 0 then the page is written back to the data file page and the buffer page is emptied. This job is done by the lazy writer.

Basically LazyWriters ensure two things:
a) There are adequate resources in buffer pool for the sql server to use.
b) Monitor the usage of commited memory by the buffer pool and ajust it as necessary so that enough physical memory remains free to prevent windows from paging.

LazyWriter can adjust the number of buffers in the buffer pool if the dynamic memory management is enabled in SQL Server. SQL Server estimates the adequate number of buffer pools depending upon the system activity and the number of stalls.(Stall happens when the system has to wait for a buffer free page when a request for memory is raised)

Tushar

Learning

It's been some time I am doing some peaceful study. I always thought of studying as a boring thing to do. But now I feel the importance of studing the theory after working for about 3 years in this industry. I had never thought that I will be able to join such a firm and to work for such a reputed firm was my dream. But now when this dream has come tru I feel I am more worthy of this. The satisfaction level for the job is very low. I feel the salary I get is gross in comparison to the efforts I do put in for the project. I needed a transfer and hence joined a project but then they started taking advantage of my weakness. I used to slog for more than 16 hours per day to finish up the work. I think I was wrong on the part that I did not speak up to the management against this. I think I will ask the management to release me from this project. I will quit this company soon and join a firm which will respect me and my work.

Tushar

Start Fresh

I know I can't go back in the time and fix things. Not that I repent for anything I did in my life or I do not like my life the way it is right now. But I want to have a fresh start an ernest start where I will be 100% honest with me. Where I know what I am doing and the reason why I am doing. I will try to be a better person from today. I will keep my things in an organised way and will try to things within an expected time line. I will keep track of things that I always need to know. I will be more serious in life. I know I am lost in this world of friends and college and job but then I will put an effort to establish me.

Tushar

Gettin Over

I have tried so many times but still cant get past the things I am used to so easily. I am still lying in the hostel room where I began my college life, still glued to the laptop waitin for some one to come online. Still tryin to find out some thing new which will interest me. I dono how do they say get over it trust me I have tried to do it so many times with not one but series of things but it seems life has just stopped after college. I just want to go back to the class rooms now and attend the lectures I bunked. I miss my college days so much that I am forgetting to live my present. I know its tough to move on but some day or other I have to. I am still finding my way out of this phase of my life where I am still a college going guy. I know I am in this alone and have to get out of this mess alone. I wish I had some one to help me through this but I know its just me and me alone. This lonliness kills me every moment and everyday. I am getting used to this now. I have to get out of this fast before I get lost in this life cycle. I need to find me and realise that I need to move on in life. I forgive all who have hurt me. I wish all the success and happiness to all.


Tushar

Social Network

Life in this digital era has changed a lot. There were days when we knew all about our society, our close friends even when there was just a landline as means of communication. Now we have endless means of communication by which we not only communicate we over communicate. We open up so much to the society. Earlier having a gf was a social staus which many were shy to disclose to any one else oder than friends. N now its just a relationship status. The digitization of everything has taken away the charm of having the relation. The fun behind takin a snap and keeping it fr a life time seems so aged. This was a thing that happened not more than 10 years ago. This decade has seen some very significant changes. Mobile commnucation boom and internet amalgamated with each oder was such a explosion. It made people go eccentric. There are phones designed to keep you updated to social netwrk. You click a pic and another click allows you to upload them to the social netwrk and then ur netwrk can see it, comment on it , tag on it and wt not. The image itself so viable that people can use them any way they want n no one to stop dem. I do not know if this is taking us some where or are we getting illuded to no where. Does this have a future. Yes it definitely has but then will this add to our future dats the question mark I will like to raise and answered.

SeaRch

I feel the need to find myself sometimes. It so happens that I react but just to show that I have some feelings. I feel the whole life I have been spending my life the way people want me to or the way situations insisted me to. I never dreamt what my life should be like. I think I need to find the reason why am I spending my life the way I am and if I do not find an answer I should start a new way to spend life. I need solace to think about myslef and my life. It is the purpose of my life to find the purpose of my life. It is the question that I should ask to myself but I guess I will have to wake from my dream. Dream of having a good life a good job a job person a good friend a good son. I do not know why did I always have to be good. But then I never decided the good way I was dictated to take the good path in everything. If I had an option to choose with free mind is it bad to take the bad side. Is it wrong to do a sin but then why would a sin be a sin if we had the previlage to decide which path to take.

Tushar